THE MUSLIM HOME 2

The Muslim Home - 40 Recommendations (pt. 2)

By: Sheikh Muhammad Salih al-Munajjid cont… 

Because this subject is so important, and our homes are full of so many shortcomings and evils and examples of negligence, this begs the very important question:

What are the means of reforming our homes?

The following contains advice on this topic. May Allaah benefit us from it, and cause the Muslims to focus their efforts on reviving the Muslim home.

All the following advice revolves around two things: achieving our interests, which is by establishing that which is right and good, and warding off evil, by removing that which can cause it or bring it into our homes.

Forming the household

(1)    Making a good choice when choosing a wife

“And marry those among you who are single [i.e., a man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband] and [also marry] the Saalihoon [pious, fit and capable ones] of your [male] slaves and maid-servants [female slaves]. If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing [about the state of the people].” [Q24: vs32].

The head of the household must select a righteous and suitable wife based on the following conditions described in various narrations of the Prophet of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam:

“A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari and Muslim).

 “This world is all temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this life is a righteous wife.” (Reported by Muslim, 1468).

“Let every one of you have a thankful heart, a remembering tongue [remembering Allaah] and a believing wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter.” (Reported by Ahmad, 5/282, and At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah from Thawbaan. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5231).

According to another report the Prophet of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “A righteous wife to help you with your worldly and religious affairs is the best treasure anyone could have.” (Reported by Al-Bayhaqi. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4285).

“Marry one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud before the other Prophets of your great numbers on the Day of Resurrection.” (Reported by Ahmad. Saheeh al-Irwaa’, 6/195).

“I advise you to marry virgins, for their wombs are fresher, their mouths are sweeter and they are more content with little.” According to another report: “… and they are less likely to deceive.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah. Al-Silsilah al-Saheeh, 623).

Just as a righteous wife is one of the four elements of happiness, so a bad wife is one of the four elements of misery, as the Prophet of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam says in the authentic Hadeeth: “One of [the elements of] happiness is a righteous wife, who when you see her you feel pleased, and when you are away, you feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and your property. And one of [the elements of] misery is a bad wife who when you see her, you feel upset, she keeps attacking you verbally, and when you are away, you do not feel that you can trust her with regard to herself and your property.”

On the other hand, it is also essential to look at the situation of the prospective husband who is proposing marriage to the Muslim woman, and to agree to his proposal in accordance with the following conditions:

The Prophet , sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “If there comes to you one with whose religion and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter [or sister, etc.] to him, otherwise there will be Fitnah and great corruption in the land.”

All of the above must be achieved through asking the right questions, verifying facts, gathering information and checking sources, so that the home will not be corrupted or destroyed.

The righteous man and righteous woman together will build a righteous home, because “the vegetation of a good land comes forth [easily] by the Permission of its Lord, and that which is bad, brings forth nothing but a little with difficulty…” [Q7: vs58].

(2)    Striving to guide one’s wife

If one's wife is righteous, this is a blessing indeed, and this is from the Bounty of Allaah. If she is not that righteous, then it is the duty of the head of the household to strive to guide her. Any of the following scenarios may apply:

A man may marry a woman who is not religious in the first place, because he himself is not religious at first, or he may have married her in the hope of guiding her, or under pressure from his relatives, for example. In these cases he must strive hard to guide her.

A man must also realize from the outset that guidance comes from Allaah, and that Allaah is the One Who reforms people. One of His blessings to his slave Zakariya, may Allaah exalt his mention, was, as He Says (what means): “… and [We] cured his wife for him…” [Q21: vs90]. This curing or reforming may have been physical or religious. Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with them both, said: “She was barren and could not have children, then she had a child.” ‘Ataa’, may Allaah have mercy on him, said: “She was harsh of tongue, and Allaah reformed her.”

There are various means of guiding or reforming one’s wife, such as:

• Paying attention to correcting her worship of Allaah in all its aspects, as will be discussed in detail below.

• Striving to strengthen her Eemaan, such as:

- encouraging her to pray at night (Qiyaam al-layl)

- encouraging her to read Qur’aan

- encouraging her to memorize Athkaar and remember the appropriate times and occasions for saying them

- encouraging her to give charity

- encouraging her to read useful Islaamic books
- encouraging her to listen to useful Islaamic cassettes that can increase knowledge and strengthen Eemaan – and continuing to supply her with them.
- choosing good, religious friends for her, with whom she can form ties of sisterhood and have good conversations and purposeful visits.
- protecting her from evil and blocking off all avenues for it to reach her, by keeping her away from bad companions and bad places.

- creating an atmosphere of faith in the home

(3)    Making the home a place for the remembrance of Allaah

The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “The likeness of a house in which Allaah is remembered and the house in which Allaah is not remembered is that of the living and the dead, respectively.”

We must make our homes places where Allaah is remembered in all kinds of ways, whether in our hearts, verbally, during prayer, by reading Qur'aan by discussing Islaamic issues, or by reading different kinds of Islaamic books.

How many Muslim homes nowadays are dead because there is no remembrance of Allaah, as mentioned in the Hadeeth. What must they be like when all that is heard therein is the music of Shaytaan with instruments and singing, and backbiting, slander and gossip?

What must they be like when they are filled with evil and sin, such as the Haraam mixing of the sexes and wanton display between relatives who are not Mahram or with neighbors who enter the home?

How can the angels enter a home like this? Revive your homes with all kinds of Thikr, may Allaah have mercy on you!

(4)    Make your homes a place of worship

What is meant by taking the home as a place of worship?

Allaah Says (what means): “And We inspired Moosa and his brother [saying]: ‘Take dwellings for your people in Egypt, and make your dwellings as places for your worship, and perform al-salaah, and give glad tidings to the believers.’” [Q10: vs87].

Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with them both, said: “They were commanded to take their dwellings as places of prayer [lit. mosques].”

Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said: “This – and Allaah knows best – was because of the intensity of the tribulation that they were facing from Pharaoh and his people. They were commanded to pray much, as Allaah Says (what means): “O you who believe! Seek help with patience and prayer…” [Q2: vs153], and as it was reported in the Hadeeth that the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, when he was distressed by something, would pray.”

This explains the importance of worshipping at home, especially at times when the Muslims are in a position of weakness, as happens in some places where the Muslims cannot pray openly in front of the non-believers. In this context we may think of the Mihraab (prayer niche) of Maryam, may Allaah exalt her mention, which was her place of worship, as Allaah Says (what means): “… Every time Zakariya entered the mihraab to visit her, he found her supplied with sustenance…” [Q3: vs37]

The Companions, may Allaah be pleased with them, used to be keen to pray at home – apart from the Fardh or obligatory prayers (which they prayed in congregation in the mosque) – and there is a moving story concerning this. Mahmood ibn al-Rabee’ al-Ansaari reported that ‘Utbaan ibn Maalik, may Allaah be pleased with him – who was one of the Companions of the Messenger, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and was one of the Ansaar who had been present at Badr – came to the Messenger of Allaah , sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and said: “I am losing my sight, and I lead my people in prayer. When it rains, the valley between me and them gets flooded and I cannot get to their mosque to lead them in prayer. O Messenger of Allaah, I would like you to come to come and pray in my house so that I can take it as a place for prayer.” The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “I will do that, in shaa' Allaah.” ‘Utbaan, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “The next day the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and Abu Bakr came in the morning. The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, asked for permission to enter, and I gave him permission. He did not sit down until he entered the house, then he said: ‘Where would you like me to pray in your house?’ I showed him a corner of the house, then the Messenger of Allaah , sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, stood up, said Takbeer, and we stood in a row behind him, and he prayed two Rak’ahs and gave the salaam at the end of the prayer.” (Reported by AlBukhaari, al-Fath, 1/519)

to be continued...