The Muslim Home - 40 Recommendations (pt. 8)
By: Sheikh Muhammad Salih al-Munajjid cont…
Meetings at Home
13) Creating opportunities for meetings to
discuss family matters.
Allaah Says (what means): “… and who [conduct] their affairs by mutual consultation…” [Q42:
vs38]. This is a time when the family members can sit together in a suitable
place to talk about issues within and outside the family that affect them. This
is a sign of strong ties, interaction and cooperation within the family. No
doubt the man is the one whom Allaah has appointed to be in charge of his
“flock’s” affairs and he is primarily responsible and is the decision maker,
but giving room to others to contribute – especially when the children get
older – is good training for them to learn to bear responsibility, as well as
giving everyone the confidence of knowing that his or her opinion is valued
when they are asked to express their points of view. Examples of this are discussions
concerning going for Hajj or for ‘Umrah during Ramadhaan, and other trips,
travelling to visit relatives and uphold family ties, or for vacations;
organizing wedding parties and ‘Aqeeqahs for new-borns; moving from one home to
another; and charitable projects such as finding out about the poor people in
one's neighbourhood so the family can offer help or send food to them. Families
can also discuss problems faced by themselves or by relatives, and talk about
how to solve them, and so on.
It is worth pointing out here that there is another
important kind of family meeting, which is holding frank discussions between
parents and children. Some of the problems of adolescence can only by solved by
one-on-one conversations between parents and children, where a father talks,
calmly and quietly, with his son about matters that have to do with the problems
of youth and the Islaamic rulings pertaining to adolescence, and a mother talks
to her daughter and tells her what she needs to know about Islaamic rulings and
helps her to solve the problems that she may face at this age. The father or
mother may open the discussion with words such as “When I was your age…” This will have a great effect in making what
they say acceptable to the youngster. Lack of such frank discussions will force
the children to talk to bad companions, which leads to so many other evils.
14) Not showing family conflicts in front of
the children.
It is rare for people to live together under one roof
without any arguments, but reconciliation is better and correcting oneself is a
virtue. What shakes the unity of the family and harms its infrastructure is when
conflicts are brought out into the open before the members of the family, who
then split into two or more opposing camps, not to mention the psychological
harm that is done to children, especially little ones. Think about a home where
the father says to the child: “Do not speak to your mother,” and the mother
says to him, “Do not speak to your father.” The child is confused and filled with
turmoil, and the entire family lives in an atmosphere of hostility. We should
try to avoid conflict, but if it happens, we should try to hide it. We ask
Allaah to create love between our hearts.
15) Not letting into the house anyone whose
commitment to Islaam is not pleasing to you.
The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
said: “The likeness of a bad companion is like the one who works the bellows”
(from a report narrated by Abu Daawood, 4829). According to a report narrated
by Al-Bukhaari, he said: “the one who works the bellows will burn your house or
your clothes, or you will smell a bad odor from him.” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari,
al-Fat-h, 4/323).
Indeed, he will burn your home with all kinds of corruption
and evil. How often has the entry of corrupt and suspicious people into a home
been the cause of enmity among the family members, or of division between
husband and wife. Allaah curses the one who turns a wife against her husband, or
a husband against his wife, or causes enmity between a father and his children.
This is how Sihr (magic, witchcraft)
is brought into people’s homes, why things are sometimes stolen, and why so often
morals are corrupted: it is because a person whose commitment to Islaam is no
good is admitted into the home.
We must not let such people in, even if they are neighbors,
men or women, and even if they appear to be friendly. Some people keep quiet
out of embarrassment, and if they see such a person at the door, they let him
in, even though they know this is one of the corrupt people. In this matter,
women bear a great deal of responsibility. The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam, said: “O people, which
day is most sacred? Which day is most sacred? Which day is most sacred?”
They said: “The greatest day of Hajj.” Then he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
said in his Friday Khutbah on that day: “Your
rights over your women are that they should not allow anyone to sit on your
beds whom you dislike, or allow anyone into your homes whom you dislike.”
(Reported by At-Tirmithi, 1163, and other from ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas; Saheeh
al-Jaami’, 7880).
Muslim women, you should not feel upset if your husband or
father does not let one of the female neighbours into the house because he sees
that she is trying to cause trouble. Be smart and be strong if someone tries to
make comparisons between her husband and yours, lest that pushes you to demand things
from your husband that he cannot afford. It is also your obligation to advise
your husband if you notice that he has close friends who are making evil appear
attractive to him.
Advice to Men:
try to be at home as much as you can, because the guardian’s presence at home keeps
things under control and enables him to supervise the upbringing of the family
and to put things right by watching and following up. For some people, the
basic thing is to be always outside of the home, and only if they cannot find
some place to go do they come home. This is wrong. If a man is constantly going
out for purposes of worship, he must still strike a balance; if he is going out
for the purposes of sin and wasting time, or because he is too busy with
matters of this world, he must reduce his work and business commitments, and
put an end to idle meetings.
And how evil are those people who neglect their families and
stay in nightclubs…! We do not want to fall in with the plans of the enemies of
Allaah; we can learn a lot from the following paragraph of the minutes of the
French Eastern Masonic lodge held in 1923:
“For the purpose of
separating the individual from his family, you must eliminate morals at their
root, because people are inclined to cut off their family ties and do things
that are forbidden, they prefer to chat idly in cafés rather than carry out
their duties towards their families.”
to be continued...
0 Comments